I can’t believe it’s taken me 4 blog posts to finally wrap up the story of how Jeff and I met. There was so much more to say than I had previously thought. Taking our story all the way to the wedding was a little more than I had planned but I feel it pulls everything together properly. Our story needs to be told in it’s entirety.
If you missed the others parts of the story, you definitely need to catch up.
If you remember where we left off in my last post, my Mom had just called me with crazy news. She let me know that my ex-boyfriend, Andy, had come by the house wanting to talk to me.
I was shocked to say the least. It was the night before my wedding and we hadn’t spoken in a several months. As a matter of fact, our last conversation did not go well and then there was that letter that I had written to him telling him that I had found someone while we were broken up. I told him I hoped that he had done the same. Suffice it to say I never heard from him again.
The fact that he dropped by my parents house unexpectedly was out of left field. It felt like it was straight out of one of those romantic/comedy movies. I mean… Who does that? I was also in shock because that would mean that he flew out to Santa Barbara in order to see me. Major time, money and effort!
I knew nothing of what Andy was up to at this point in time. I did know that he had considered taking a job in Los Angeles once he graduated in May but since we hadn’t spoken in quite awhile, I didn’t know what he was doing.
(Timewise… to put things in perspective, the month and year is December, 1988… right after Andy graduated in May. I was one year older and had graduated the prior year)
My mom told me that Andy asked her to have me call him that night. He really wanted to talk. I remember putting the phone down and looking at Jeff, telling him that Andy had shown up in California looking for me.
My heart was in my throat and I didn’t know what Jeff would say. Of course he was calm, cool and collected. Lol. He told me he thought I should call Andy.
I love that about Jeff. He was born 40 as they say and he is always so together and strong.
(Jeff, his brother Brian and other brother Keith)
I decided to wait until I arrived at my parent’s home in Santa Barbara to make the call.
Once home I called Andy immediately. I remember feeling nervous. I had no clue why my ex would show up last minute. What did he want to say? He wasn’t one of those impromptu kind of guys…
As soon as we began talking I felt so comfortable. Andy was always easy to talk to and so great. He played a big part in my life. I met him when I was a sophomore in college and he was a freshman. I remember thinking that he was so much more together than me at the time. He was super nice, and part a large family that he loved. He had tons of friends and he played soccer for the school we went to.
We dated for a few years and had an amazing relationship. We grew up together and talked about the future. When I was in college, I felt he would be the one I would marry. Doesn’t everyone hope for that with their first real love? But I think I always felt, deep down inside that we weren’t meant to be. I always felt that I would marry someone a little older, maybe a little wiser?
It’s hard to explain without sounding bad but the lack of love in our relationship really stood out to me whenever we went to a romantic movie and I realized I didn’t share the same feelings for my OWN boyfriend. I think 2/3rds into the relationship I knew that we probably weren’t right for one another but I loved him so much and considered him my best friend… Who wants to lose that? Certainly not me. I never wanted to hurt him nor myself for that matter.
Back to the phone call…
We talked for over 2-3 hours. There was no animosity nor blame. It was happy, loving and supportive.
I know that our relationship played a big part on who I had become as a person. He helped me find what I needed in my life and I was forever thankful for that. I loved the friendship we had formed and I had missed it.
I wanted him to know that night how happy I was that he made the effort to see me. He told me that his friends asked as he was leaving, “Why are you flying out to Santa Barbara? It looks desperate. What are you thinking?”.
He said he felt bad with how things were left. I fully understood that. He wanted to wish me the best and he wanted me to have a great life. Do I feel like he still had feelings for me? Possibly.. he never actually said anything about that. But he respected the choice I made and he was nothing but kind and polite.
I’ll never forget talking to him and saying to him that I knew there was someone out there who was meant to be his love and I was so thankful that we had dated.
He told me that he had actually moved to LA for a great job. I remember feeling so excited for him. We wrapped everything up and I have to say… I felt like Andy and I had closure and all was right in the world.
I immediately went and told Jeff everything. He could see the smile on my face… He looked at me and hugged me and said that he was so happy that I had closure. I don’t know any other man who would say the same thing.
The next day, our wedding day, was the most beautiful day ever. The weather was unseasonably warm. It was perfect. I love summer and I couldn’t believe our luck.
(Betsy helping me get ready…)
The wedding was slated for 4:30 pm. My dress was fluffy and full of layers and layers of silk…very 80’s and I loved it. The chapel we had chosen was simple and elegant. It sat on State Street and all our immediate friends and family showed up. It was a magical moment. My sister helped me get ready and before I walked down the aisle with my dad I’ll never forget the way he looked at me and told me how much he loved me and how happy he was for me. My dad adored Jeff, just like he adored Jeff’s brother, Doug, who was still dating Betsy. There was a true love for the entire Wicks family that stemmed from years before.
It was heartfelt and true.
After the ceremony I remember walking down the aisle between everyone feeling so special. When Jeff and I reached the door of the church and looked at one another.. I started crying hysterically.
Jeff laughed and hugged me as I cried. So typical.
With everyone smiling at us and hugging us at the entrance of the church we jumped in the car, poofy layers and all, and left for my parent’s house. We had planned a cake and champagne toast celebration. It was low key and perfect for us and the budget we were on.
Jeff and I booked a bed and breakfast for our wedding night. I’m not sure whose decision that was (probably mine) but it most certainly wasn’t the Four Seasons.
All our brothers and sisters took off for a fun night out. I remember clearly the two of us sitting in the B&B talking about how we wished we were with them. We were 26 and 23… can you blame us? We decided then and there to look for them after dinner. Unfortunately we couldn’t find them (So 80s.. this would never happen today with cell phones. No texting!) so instead of spending the night alone we headed back to my parent’s house and knocked on the door. To say they were surprised to see us was an understatement.
We told them about our endless search and that we wanted to celebrate a little more. Being the greatest parents ever they made us pancakes and we laughed and talked until at least midnight. It was one of the sweetest nights ever.
I remember telling our siblings NOT to decorate the car but of course they ignored us and went to town. So fun. Our family rocks.
To bring this story to a close:
A. I’m so happy that my ex-boyfriend showed up on my parents’ doorstep and we were finally able to have closure.
B. So happy that Jeff and I passed up on an expensive formal wedding in lieu of purchasing a new home!
C. Doug and Betsy continued to date, and then eventually broke up. And then dated again.. then broke up again. (This took all of around 9 years) Then just when I thought they might get back together again for the third and final time.. Betsy met the true love of her life while signing in at work. Jon and Betsy are both pilots for United and the weird thing is, they met the day after Betsy told me that she thought she and Doug might make another date the following weekend.
(Doug and Jeff)
I feel like things happen for a reason, and just like Jeff and I, Jon and Betsy fell in love quickly and got married soon thereafter. Kismet as they say…
I hope you have enjoyed this lengthy 4 part saga about our love..
It’s been an incredible experience reliving all the moments while writing this. I feel so lucky to have found the man that I have married. He’s my best friend and I can’t imagine living this life without him.
If you enjoyed this story –
You may like to read about my InVitro Journey.
Click here to read part 1.